


you're insecure (don't know what for)

by theaprilshowers



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Eddie has a big Gay crush on Richie but what's new, First Kiss, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Richie Tozier, M/M, Richie is insecure but Eddie thinks he's beautiful :')
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-15 18:38:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17534099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theaprilshowers/pseuds/theaprilshowers
Summary: “'Hm, tempting,' Richie put a finger to his lips like he was considering the idea. 'But no can do. I already decided I’m gonna be Captain America for Halloween.' He threw two finger guns at Eddie.And Eddie stared at the other boy for a few seconds before bending over into a laughing fit."(Here’s the story of Eddie Kaspbrak's first kiss.)





	you're insecure (don't know what for)

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be posted on halloween, but I suck so here it is... 3 months later lol.  
> it's 100% self-indulgent because I love me the insecure Richie trope. hope y'all enjoy this as well <3 
> 
> yes, the title is a 1D lyric. one band... one dream... one direction!
> 
> the lovely Olive translated this story into Russian, read it here: https://ficbook.net/readfic/7853066 :)

Here’s the story of how Eddie Kaspbrak had his first kiss. 

It happened on a calm and lazy afternoon in late September. School had let out an hour ago, and fifteen-year-old Eddie and Richie were sitting on the floor side-by-side in Eddie’s room doing their math homework. 

Well, Eddie was doing his homework. Richie was reading the latest _X-men_ comic for the hundredth time this week. 

More accurately, Eddie was _trying_ to do his homework, but Richie being Richie, had found some way to distract Eddie from doing anything productive. 

Richie was currently sitting crossed-legged with his comic in between his legs, and he was so immersed in the story that for once in his life he was being quiet. Yet, even in silence, he still had too much energy to contain to himself so he ended up bouncing his legs and hitting Eddie’s knee every few seconds. 

And like any rational human, Eddie found this very annoying and made finishing his math homework rather difficult. 

There was a very easy solution to Eddie’s predicament: he simply had to move away from Richie. He just had to give a little distance between them so he could finish his homework and Richie could still do his own thing. It wasn’t a hopeless case. But as much as Eddie hated to admit, the furthest thing he wanted was to lose direct physical contact with his current crush. 

Yeah, that’s right, Eddie had a crush on Richie. Talk about a hopeless case. 

His best friend since he was six years old and he suddenly had a crush on him. 

Well, maybe not suddenly. He really couldn’t tell you the exact moment he started to fall for Richie. Maybe his fondness for the boy was always there, growing bigger and bigger with each passing year, and had now escalated to this: consuming him to the point where he was so touch-starved and pining for love that he wouldn’t move two inches to his left just to remove contact with the Trashmouth. 

It was that bad. 

And it wasn’t just that he wanted to keep himself close to Richie. He also wanted to lay his hand on Richie’s knee and soothe out all the jitteriness that Richie appeared to hold. He wanted to kiss his lips and feel his mouth turn into a smile as he relaxed his body against Eddie. 

Eddie wanted a lot of things, but he rarely got them. 

It wasn’t like he was going to tell Richie about his crush. He rather die first honestly. 

First off, it’s not like Richie had _feelings_ for Eddie. The boy pretended like he was a flirt, was rarely serious, and was very bad at expressing his emotions unless it came to ‘your mom’ jokes. Sure, Richie was more touchy-feely with Eddie than anyone else, but that was because he loved to get a rise out of him. Eddie knew: all feelings Richie had for Eddie were purely platonic. 

Secondly, Eddie was sure the boy wasn’t gay. When Eddie came out to the losers last year, Richie, like the rest of the Losers, gave his complete love and support to him. Richie even said he “didn’t believe in labels” when it comes to loving people and Eddie still isn’t sure what the hell that means. And even if he did think he knew what Richie was implying, he didn’t like dwelling on the small chance that Richie might also like boys as well. He’s already fallen too deep. He doesn’t want to dream of a future with Richie for it to just end up like that, only a dream.

And so, for those aforementioned reasons, he couldn’t tell Richie because he knew this would break their friendship. And he would rather have Richie as just a friend than have no Richie at all. 

So, in order to solve his predicament with Richie’s annoying leg bumping and to quell his longing feelings, Eddie did what he knew best: he went hostile. 

“Richie, I swear to god if you don’t stop moving your legs, I will personally chop them off with an axe.” 

Richie’s legs abruptly stopped moving at Eddie’s words, which made him sigh in relief. But as he turned to look at Richie, he saw the biggest shit-eating grin on the other boy’s face and immediately grimaced. 

“If you do that Eds, we might finally be the same height.” His cocky grin only widening. 

“Fuck off, you string bean. It’s not my fault you’re like eighty percent limbs. Me chopping off your legs would do you a favor,” Eddie snapped back. 

“I may be eighty percent limbs, but I’m hundred percent dic – ” 

Richie couldn’t finish the last word because Eddie had shoved a pillow from his bed right into Richie’s dumb face. 

“You’re the worst.” Eddie chastised but even he couldn’t stop the small smile on his face. He really had fallen so deep for this boy that he considered a dick joke amusing. “I’m serious though, stop moving your legs. I need to finish this assignment.” 

“Ok, I’m sorry.” Richie relented. “I just can’t sit still. This comic is so good.” 

“I know it is, but you’re reading it like you _haven’t_ read it five times this week.” 

“Eds come on! This comic is epic! Look how cool Magneto is!” Richie pointed to a page on the comic where Magneto was levitating a car on top an army of soldiers. 

“Magneto is a villain.” 

“Well, yeah, but he’s all anti-government and against the oppression of mutants. He’s trying to save the mutants.” Richie reasoned. 

“Yeah, by creating a genocide against non-mutant humans.” He countered. 

Richie shrugged. “Whatever, humans are boring anyway.” 

Eddie threw his hands in the air, exasperated. “You’re unbelievable. He’s the bad guy!”

“He’s a _complex_ bad guy. Just give him some love. He needs it.”

“If you love him so much, why don’t you marry him?” He knew the minute he said those words that it was an awful rebuttal and not to mention completely _gay_ so he quickly tried to backpedal. “Or better yet, since Halloween is coming up, why don’t you dress up as your evil idol?”

“Hm, tempting,” Richie put a finger to his lips like he was considering the idea. “But no can do. I already decided I’m gonna be Captain America for Halloween.” He threw two finger guns at Eddie. 

And Eddie stared at the other boy for a few seconds before bending over into a laughing fit. 

“What?” And when he didn’t get an answer because Eddie was still giggling, he asked again in an amused tone. “What’s so funny Eds?” 

“You’re going to be Captain America?” Eddie had to take several deep breathes to stop himself from laughing again. “Mr. Stars and Stripes? The most moral, patriotic, and pro-government man in America? The man who probably jerks off to the national anthem? _You?_ ” Eddie questioned incredulously.

“Oh my god. You’re right. He probably nuts when he hears ‘The bombs bursting in air.’” Richie snorted. 

Eddie immediately cringed at the thought. “You’re fucking disgusting.” 

“You started it!” 

“I didn’t need that detailed image in my head, though. God, you really just ruined the national anthem for me.” Richie let out a laugh as Eddie shook his head in disdain. “You seriously want to be Captain America? No offense Rich, but you’re like, the further thing from that man.” 

“Ok, ok, maybe I’m not a carbon copy of him, but it’s not about that anyway. It’s about the _symbolism._ ” 

“The symbolism?” Eddie asked skeptically. This was new; Richie was rarely a deep thinker. 

“Just - hear me out.” Eddie knew this was serious by how Richie’s face shifted into concentration. “Right now, I’m pre-serum Cap. Ok? I’m the weak, total loser, ugly, never-gonna-get-laid Steve Rogers, but next month,” His lips turned into a sly smile. “I’m getting my braces off and Went agreed to buy me contacts, it’s gonna be a whole makeover for me! It’ll be like I took a serum and I transformed into the real Captain America!” He punched the air with exuberance. 

“I’m also thinking of working out because I seriously need to get in shape. I got winded walking up the stairs yesterday, it was bad. Or maybe I need to stop with the cigs –” He was rambling now but Eddie wasn’t listening, his mind was whirling in confusion.

“You really think that?” He said with a frown. 

“I think what?” 

“You think you’re some ugly loser?” 

It’s true Richie _did_ have nerdy coke-bottle glasses that magnified his already big eyes. And he _did_ have braces to straighten his teeth but it still couldn’t fix how large his buck-teeth were. And he _was_ eighty percent limbs but that was the curse of puberty. Sure, Richie wasn’t the most conventionally attractive guy in the world. Eddie might have a crush on him but he knew Richie was no River Phoenix.

Richie was dorky and goofy looking but it just _fit_ him and his personality. Eddie could never picture Richie looking any other way. And by the amounts of time he heard Richie say how ‘ladies could never resist this gorgeous face, Eds,’ Eddie never imagined Richie thought of himself as ugly. 

“Come on, Eds.” Richie rolled his eyes. “People call Bev ‘Beaverly’ because it’s a joke on her name. They call me 'Beaver,' because that’s just how I look.” He shrugged with nonchalance, like he had accepted it.

“Both of those names are mean.” Eddie replied hotly. “Neither of you are like a fucking beaver. You’re not a loser either.” 

“That’s weird, I thought we were part of the Losers’ Club?” 

“Well… yeah!” Eddie stammered, he was so flabbergasted by Richie’s self-deprecating attitude. “But we took the thing that those bullies thought would hurt us and we turned it into something we pride ourselves in!” He was getting mad at Richie’s indifference to all this. “You can’t seriously think that lowly about yourself.” 

Richie ignored the last statement completely. “Well if we can take back Loser then why can’t I take back Beaver?” 

“You can! But that’s not what you’re thinking of doing!”

“What the hell are you talking about?” He could tell Richie was getting annoyed now. 

“You actually think you’re some ugly beaver who needs to change his appearance in order to fit in! You’re feeding right into the bullies!” 

“No, I’m not!” Richie said indignant. “And even if I was, what’s so wrong about that? Maybe I want to feel accepted for once!” 

“Since when did you care about what others think about you?”

“Everyone cares about what others think about them.” Richie slouched his shoulders and looked away from Eddie. “Even you.” 

“Yeah, I care about what you and the other Losers think about me. Not some bullies who don’t give two shits about me.” He was panting at how aggravating this was. _Only Richie would work me up to the point where I feel like I might need my stupid inhaler again_. 

“Richie listen to me. Those people don’t matter. Whatever they call you is bullshit. They don’t know you. They only see what they want to see. You’re not some ugly loser like pre-serum Captain America. You’re Richie _fucking_ Tozier. The most beautiful person I know. Inside and out. You’re perfect.” 

_God, I am so gay for this boy._ But it was the truth, wasn’t it? And Richie needed to hear it. 

At his words, Richie turned his face to stare at Eddie. He looked at him for so long, Eddie became unnerved. 

“You think I’m perfect?” His face was scrunched in disbelief.

Eddie heart broke at seeing how small Richie looked. _How can he think so little of himself? Did he really take all those names to heart?_

“Well honestly, nobody’s perfect.” Eddie said teasingly and Richie pouted. “But…” Eddie’s expression softened as he cupped Richie’s face with one of his hands. “You’re perfect to me.” 

_You’re perfect for me_ , he wanted to add, but he knew that would be a little too much. This wasn’t about Eddie’s feelings for Richie. It was about making Richie feel better about himself. He needed Richie to know just how loved he was. 

He was about to start his next line of compliments when he felt a pair of chapped lips on his mouth. 

It was a simple, chaste kiss that was over just as quick as it began, but it sent a million sparks coursing through Eddie’s body. 

He leaned back to see a surprised expression on Richie’s face, like he couldn’t believe he just did that. And honestly, Eddie couldn’t believe it either and flushed in both embarrassment and exhilaration. He could feel the cheeks turning pink when a realization came to him. 

“That was my first kiss.” Eddie panted. _My first kiss was with Richie Tozier._

Richie’s eyes widen and he stammered, “S-sorry, I didn’t mean to take –“ 

But he couldn’t finish his sentence because Eddie crashed their lips together again. And this kiss was even better. Even though he could feel Richie’s hard plastic glasses against his nose and Richie’s hard metal braces against his lips and Richie’s hard calloused hands against his cheeks, Eddie was living on a live wire. 

Emboldened by the touch of Richie all around him, Eddie opened his mouth to slip his tongue out and lick Richie’s bottom lip. 

He felt Richie shiver against his lips before he pulled away. Eddie immediately felt the loss of contact and pouted, disappointed and a little hurt. 

“Yowza, Eddie Spaghetti.” Richie whispered breathlessly with a smile on his face and his bright eyes on Eddie’s mouth. His pupils were so blown, Eddie could only see the blue around the edges. 

_I did that_ , Eddie thought through the shock. 

“I told you to stop calling me that. I’m not a damn meal.” Eddie blushed as he rolled his eyes. His heart was beating alarming fast and he felt lightheaded but he was relieved to see that Richie didn’t respond to the kiss with disgust. 

“No, I guess you’re not my Eds.” He paused considering, then his recently kissed-tinted lips curved into a huge smile. “You’re a snack! A cute, little snack I get to carry around with me and smooch on whenever I want to!” He made grabby hands at Eddie while puckering his lips to give Eddie another kiss. 

“You’re nauseating Trashmouth.” Eddie said as he tried to lean further from Richie’s outstretched hands. 

“Hey!” Richie shifted forward and successfully wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist and Eddie yelped in surprise at his sudden closeness. “You just called me beautiful and perfect and kissed me, you can never say anything bad about me ever again!” 

“Wow, I really ruined it for myself, didn’t I?” Eddie joked but his voice was laced with fondness that only came out for Richie. 

Richie let out a melodic laugh as he beamed at Eddie. “Yeah you did. There is no way I can go back to never kissing you. I can’t go back to that torture now that I’ve gotten a taste of that sweet Eddie Spaghetti.” 

And Eddie should probably roll his eyes or make an annoyed expression at Richie’s words, but his heart was fluttering nervously inside his chest. “You really liked it that much?” 

“Eds, are you serious?” He looked at Eddie incredulously. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you since I first saw your cute little face! Why do you think I asked you to marry me when we were both six?” 

Eddie laughed at the memory. “You only wanted to marry me for the kisses I’m sure.” Eddie tried to sound upset but he even he could hear the softness in his voice. He felt like he was on cloud nine. He just _kissed_ Richie and Richie wanted to do it _again_. He had wanted to kiss him since he was _six years old_. 

“You know that’s not the only reason I want you.” And he wrapped his arms more tightly around Eddie and pulled him closer so he could tuck his head against Eddie’s neck. “But the kisses are an added bonus to a life with you.” He then pressed a small kiss against Eddie’s pulse point and Eddie felt his entire body set aflame. 

Eddie started playing with Richie’s hands in his lap. He was so happy be could burst, but he was still bothered by one thing. “I’m sorry for yelling at you before. I just didn’t know you thought that about yourself, and it made me sad and mad all at once. I was surprised since you’ve helped me out so much.” 

Richie leaned back to look directly at him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean.” He intertwined their hands. _They fit so well together_. “When all the shit with my mom and the placebos came out, you were the one by my side helping me through it. You were encouraging me to be more independent. Giving me confidence to be stronger. I never realized you were also insecure about things.” 

Richie hugged him closer and sighed against his neck. “I guess it’s something that I’ve always struggled with. I just never really talk about it.” 

Eddie could feel Richie bury his head further into Eddie’s neck to hide his face, but Eddie was not having it. He turned his body to face Richie and grabbed the other boy’s head in both his hands. He looked fiercely at Richie’s deep blue eyes. Eyes that have always been a solace to him. Eyes that were always open and honest. Eyes, that right now looked so vulnerable, Eddie wanted to cry. 

_I love you, you silly, imperfectly perfect boy. Don’t you see?_

“You can talk to me about it you know. I mean I’m not one hundred percent comfortable in myself either, but I’m working on it. We can work on it together.” He would work on it every day of his life to make sure Richie knew how wonderful he was. He smiled at him and his heart swelled when he saw Richie gave his goofy, toothy smile right back. 

“Yeah, I like the sound of that.” He gave Eddie a sweet lingering kiss on his forehead and Eddie knew he would never get tired of Richie’s lips on him. “So, does this mean you’ll be the Peggy Carter to my Captain America.” 

Eddie couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. “No way. I love Peggy, but we’re scrapping the whole Captain America idea.”

“Ok, then what should I be?”

“Well…” Eddie thought, “You could be Magneto. Or, if you keep the glasses, which I think you should, you could be a better version of Dr. Egon from _Ghostbusters_.” 

“I knew you had a crush on him!” Richie cheered into his ears. 

“Oh, shut up!” Eddie blushed hard. “You can’t blame me, I have a thing for smart people.” 

“Well it’s a good thing I’m top of our class now innit?” He gave Eddie a sly wink. 

“And here I was, saddened by your insecurities when in fact your ego knows no bounds.” He shook his head in mock disappointment.

“Aw, Eds. I gotta be a smartass now that I know you like it.” Richie gave him a swift kiss on the cheek and Eddie blushed so hard he knew he looked like a tomato. “Ok, so I’m gonna be Dr. Egon, what will you be?”

Eddie paused. There was something he desperately wanted to be. No costume needed. Less than twenty minutes ago he would never have said it, but the kiss, seeing Richie’s perfect smile directed right at him, and the newfound promise of working together on their confidence, he was suddenly braver than ever before. 

“How about your boyfriend?” Eddie stated carefully. 

He looked over at Richie who was frozen in place. _Shit, that was too fast, wasn’t it?_

“Jesus, Eds. Warn a guy before you put him in cardiac arrest.” He said weakly, but he was all smiles when he intertwined their hands together again. _A perfect fit_ , Eddie thought happily.

“I take that as a yes?” Eddie breathed, uncertainty still pulsing through him. 

“Take that as a _hell_ yes. It would be my honor.” Then he sealed the promise with a kiss. 

Eddie didn’t know what he would dress-up as for Halloween, but he knew Richie (his boyfriend!) would be by his side, and that was honestly all that mattered.

So, that’s the story of how at the age of fifteen, Eddie Kaspbrak had his first of many kisses with Richie Tozier.

**Author's Note:**

> ahhh I hope you guys enjoyed this! Richie being insecure but Eddie reassuring him is my whole mood so I had to write something about it. 
> 
> please leave a comment! i'll love you forever! <3


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